


Manly

by docmatthew



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Mentions of Rape, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, ftm character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 08:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2574962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/docmatthew/pseuds/docmatthew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rafael helps out a transgender victim. (Written for the wonder adarafaelbarbas on tumblr.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Manly

Rafael walked into the squad room with his usual swagger. He looked around the room and spotted Olivia standing by Nick’s desk, talking deeply about something. If he had to guess it would be the case. Rafael made his way over to the pair.

“I hear the victim is backing out of pressing charges?” Rafael said suddenly to the Sergeant.

“Barba,” Olivia looked shocked to see him. “What’re you doing here? We haven’t even built a case yet.”

“I heard from the grapevine that your current case isn’t turning up much.” Barba replied. “Thought I’d come check on it.”

“Well, our victim is…having some trouble.” Olivia stated sadly.

“She’s confused about wanting to press charges or not.” Nick spoke up and Olivia shot him a look.

“He, Amaro.” Rafael said before Olivia could say anything.

“Sorry. He.” Nick looked up from his chair.

“How did you know that?” Olivia tilted her head.

“I heard you had a victim and that he is transgender.” Rafael said. “Let me talk to him.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. He’s not…he’s very fragile right now.” Olivia looked worried. “He’s talking to Nick right now but he refuses to open up to any of us. Fin was the closest we had but eventually he shut Fin out too.”

“Is he in the interview room?” Rafael pointed and Olivia nodded.

“Really, Barba-"

“Let me just talk to him.” Rafael cut her off. “I’m sure I can help.”

Olivia stared at him for a long moment before nodding. She walked over to the interview room and Rafael was only a few steps behind her.

“Amanda,” she said as she opened the door. “Barba’s gonna take it from here.” She explained and the detective nodded and left the room with a soft goodbye to the victim. “Matt,” Olivia smiled at the boy sitting at the table. “This is ADA Rafael Barba. He wants to talk to you.”

Matt just nodded and looked up at Rafael, who was coming into the room. Rafael took a moment to take off his suit jacket before sitting down. He didn’t say anything for a long time, just rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie. Matt played with the tab on the can of soda he had.

“How old are you, Matt?” Rafael finally spoke.

“Twenty, sir.” He said in a quiet voice.

“Where are you from?” Rafael pressed.

“Um…I’m from Oklahoma.” Matt popped the tab off his soda can.

“Oklahoma? You’re pretty far from home, Matt.” Rafael sighed. “Do you like it here?”

”Yeah.” Matt nodded. “I like it here a lot more than Oklahoma.”

”Good. Are you staying here after school?” Rafael leaned back in his chair, making this seem like a casual conversation.

”I don’t know. Maybe.” Matt shrugged.

“You go to Hudson right?” Rafael asked and Matt nodded. “What’re you studying?”

“Law…” Matt looked away.

“That’s good. Planning to become a lawyer?” Rafael watched the kid relax a little.

“Yes.” Matt nodded. “I want to be a DA one day.” He explained. “But I doubt I’ll ever be elected into office.”

“Because you’re trans?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Y-Yeah.” Matt looked down. “I hate that all of you know. I…I blended in so well. I passed. No one at school knows. Well, they used to not know, but I’m sure most of them do now.”

“You’re transitioning well though?” Rafael looked at the boy’s beard and smiled a little.

“Yeah. I’m three years on T, and a year post op on my top surgery.” Matt said almost proudly. “I finally felt like a man.”

“It’s a good feeling, isn’t it?” Rafael smiled more this time.

“It is.” Matt eyed the other man. “How would you know?”

“Because I went through the same thing as you.” Rafael made eye contact with Matt for the first time.

“Y-You did?” Matt said in disbelief.

“I did.” He nodded. “I’ve been fully transitioned for…ten years, two months now. On T for twenty years.” Rafael smiled a little proud smile.

“That’s…awesome.” Matt was in awe. “I totally thought you were a cis.”

”Thank you.” Rafael nodded. “I’ve been at it a lot longer than you have.”

”C-Can I ask you something?” Matt looked at the table.

Rafael simply nodded at the boy.

”When…when did you know that you were trans?”

“Well,” Rafael thought for a long time. “I think I’ve always known. Since I can remember.”

”Oh…okay.” Matt sighed, obviously not hearing what he had wanted to.

”But not everyone is like that. When did you realize?”

”I think…I’ve always known. But I finally admitted it to myself my freshmen year of high school and came out my senior year.” Matt explained.

”It isn’t easy, Matt. Coming out takes a lot of courage.” Rafael said. “I came out to my family my freshmen year of college.”

”What happened?” Matt was curious.

”My mom told me she hated me and three of my siblings stopped talking to me.”

”My parents don’t accept it either.” Matt frowned. “And my brother won’t talk to me. They all still call me by my birth name even though I legally changed my name.”

”I understand.” Rafael really did. “It’s hard for the family too but it isn’t okay for parents and siblings to act that way.”

”Yeah…It just really sucks.” Matt looked away as a tear slipped down his face. “After _it_ happened all I wanted was to call my mom and cry…but I can’t.”

”I’m so sorry, Matt.” Rafael frowned as he watched the boy try to hold back tears. “Do you have any sort of support system in place?” The boy shook his head. “Any close friends?”

”I’ve only been here a little while…I haven’t made friends yet…It’s just all so hard. I can’t…I can’t handle this.” Matt put the soda can down hard, without meaning to. He was so angry and hurt. Rafael could see that.

“Matt,” Rafael leaned on the table. “We need to talk about what happened and why you want to stop pressing charges.” Matt shook his head quickly.

“I can’t…I told Sargent Benson I didn’t want to talk about it.” Matt looked back down.

“But you need to, Matt. This isn’t just going to go away.” Rafael said softly. “Trust me when I tell you that pushing it all down inside you isn’t going to make anything better. Neither is ignoring it.”

For a long time it was silent in the room. Rafael was starting to think that Matt was just one of those who couldn’t be reached but as he started to think that the boy looked up at him.

“Four guys a-attacked me.” Matt admitted. “And they…t-they raped me. They found out I was trans when they caught me in the shower in the dorms. “ Tears started to well up in his eyes. “They said that I…that I deserved it for being…transgender.”

Rafael watched the boy break down. He got up and walked around the table and sat next to him. He spoke softly and lightly touched his arm.

“Matt.” He said low. “Don’t let these guys get away with it.”

“I’m so scared. I-If I take this to court everyone will know!” Matt nearly shouted. “They’ll know I’m not a man.”

“You are a man, Matt.” Rafael frowned. “You’re a man no matter what they said or did.”

“They took it away from me. They took my manhood.” Matt sobbed.

“No.” Rafael shook his head. “They didn’t. You’re more of a man than any of them.”

Matt tried to wipe the tears off his face but couldn’t because more would fall. He looked up at Rafael with blurry eyes and spoke.

“Do you really think that?” He asked.

“I really think that.” Rafael nodded.

“I-I’ll press charges, a-and testify if I have to.” Matt finally agreed. “I’ll talk to the detectives.”

“Good. That’s amazing, Matt. And I’m going to try your case, okay? I’ll be here for each step or whenever you need me.” Rafael produced a card and gave it to the boy. “If you need anything just call.”

“T-Thank you. So much, Mr. Barba.” Matt took the card and put it in his pocket.

“You’re welcome, and you can call me Rafael.” Rafael smiled at him.

“Okay, Rafael.” Matt nodded. “C-Can you get the detectives? I want this over with as quickly as possible.”

“I can.” Rafael stood up and went outside the room. “Olivia,” he called out to the Sargent. “Matt’s agreed to press charges and testify.”

“He has? How did you manage that?” Nick asked from his desk.

“It helps that I understand what he’s going through. At least part of it.” Rafael explained. He looked at each of the squad member’s confused looks before he answered. “I’m transgender too. Female to Male.”

He turned on his heels and went back into the room with Matt. Olivia stood there, shocked by the news. After a few seconds she shook her head and smiled.

“Alright. Fin, you and I will talk to Matt with Barba. Nick and Amanda I want you checking out the names he gave us. Hurry it up, people. We’ve got a case to investigate.”

**Author's Note:**

> Matt's character is based off of mine and while I have never been raped by four guys the rest is all me. This might become a multichapter Barba/Benson fic.


End file.
